Graeme and Lynne Simpson, on the gift of marriage

To be in the presence of Lynne and Graeme Simpson is to be in the presence of love. Married for 62 years, they have five children and nine grandchildren. And for 47 of those years, they have been active members of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement, a Catholic movement affirming and strengthening marriage and Holy Orders in the Church and in the world. That’s not to say that their relationship is ‘perfect’. But the tools gained, and experiences shared with each other and with other couples and priests from their long involvement in the movement, have laid the foundation for a rich, deep and rewarding life. As Worldwide Marriage Encounter celebrates its 50th anniversary in Australia this year, Lynne and Graeme look back and share some of the riches of their experience with the movement.

Graeme Simpson was 25 years old when he met 21-year-old Lynne Wightman at a work Christmas function. They both worked at the Ordnance Factory in Maribyrnong, in Melbourne’s inner west. Graeme was in the drawing section, while Lynne worked in the administration office. They didn’t know each other at the time, but a mutual work friend thought they’d make a good match. They danced—Graeme would say it was Lynne doing all the dancing, while he stumbled around—and enjoyed the evening. Afterwards, Graeme followed with a few phone calls and took Lynne on their first date to Frankston in his newly restored 1926 Dodge.

‘We drove to Frankston, which was a long way away,’ says Lynne. ‘It was pouring rain, and by the time we got there, the fish and chips were cold.’ Graeme persisted, however, after this ‘unfortunate episode’, and despite Lynne’s ‘lukewarm response’, they enjoyed more dates together. ‘When I met Graeme, he was a gentleman,’ Lynne says. ‘He spoke beautifully. He was gentle and polite. He was educated and had gone to university. He was a mechanical engineer and had just bought his own home. He even opened the car door for me! I knew he was different and that’s what drew me to him.’

For Graeme, he appreciated that Lynne was Catholic, which was important to him. She was ‘nice, very pleasant, bubbly and cheerful—all those things that I’m naturally not,’ he says. ‘I was shy and introverted.’ Eventually, he declared to Lynne in his Dodge, ‘I’m going to marry you.’ And they did—nine and a half months later, on 30 September 1961.

Sixty-two years on, they still share a deep love for each other; they can laugh and argue, and forgive—not always straight away, but eventually. They’re very honest about their humanity, and the role faith and God have played in their relationship. And they don’t hesitate to attribute the longevity and richness of their married life to their involvement with the Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement.

‘It was a bit of a rocky start,’ says Graeme, ‘but we’re still here.’ Lynne adds, ‘I don’t think it’s ever changed. I can still look at him now and say, “I love you,” because I do!’

Their first, transformational weekend

Lynne and Graeme were introduced to their first Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend by Lynne’s sister, Anne, and brother-in-law, Des. At the time, they had five children (four young boys and a baby girl) and were living in a motel in Essendon. They’d only recently sold their home and packed up their furniture because they were preparing to move to the Philippines for Graeme’s work. Around this time, Anne and Des had attended a Marriage Encounter weekend and were so inspired by their experience that they booked Lynne and Graeme into the next gathering, which was the upcoming weekend, even paying their deposit. That was December 1976.

Lynne and Graeme initially refused, given their circumstances at the time, but eventually ‘gave in’ following persistent calls from Anne and Des. ‘My sister never cries,’ says Lynne, ‘but on this call she was crying, and she said, “We really want you to go because we love you so much.”’ And Des, who was usually quiet and had never rung Graeme, called him at work ‘to put the hard word on’, so they decided to go.

The experience over that first weekend changed their lives forever and is still the reason they have been involved in the movement for almost five decades. They admit they had ‘grand visions’ of enjoying a weekend away from the kids, and took their bathers, tennis racquets, walking shoes and books. But when they arrived, they were greeted by a priest and a team of couples with big smiles and welcoming arms. And when they entered a large room with about 20 other couples, holding pens and notepads, they thought, ‘There goes our romantic weekend away.’

The Marriage Encounter weekend taught us how to communicate with each other at gut level—at feelings level. And trying to communicate at that sort of level is a wonderful gift, if you can pull it off.

What they received instead, though, was an experience that has underpinned their life-long love and commitment to each other. Reflecting on that time, Graeme says, ‘That weekend turned out to be a pivotal and foundational pillar of our marriage. It not only enhanced our marriage, but also saved it.’

Lynne adds, ‘We had a good marriage. We really did. We loved each other deeply, but we didn’t talk a lot. I was too busy with the five kids, and he was working. I couldn’t understand why Anne and Des were telling us to go, but they were right. We didn’t know anything about feelings and how to communicate deeply when we went.’

‘The Marriage Encounter weekend taught us how to communicate with each other at gut level—at feelings level. And trying to communicate at that sort of level is a wonderful gift, if you can pull it off,’ says Graeme.

On that first weekend, Lynne and Graeme were invited to be part of the presenting team for future Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekends. They were seen by the presenting couples and priest running the weekend as ‘having something to offer the movement’. Lynne and Graeme initially said no, given that they were leaving for the Philippines at any moment. But the priest said, ‘We’re not asking you where you’re going. We’re asking will you become [part of the] team?’ So they said yes.

This ‘yes’ meant Graeme and Lynne had to quickly learn the art of writing a series of talks, which were ‘workshopped’ by a priest to ensure they ran on time and fitted the themes and aims of the movement. It involved a lot of work and time, and ‘pouring out of your heart’, says Lynne. They presented their series of talks for the first time the following January, only a month after they’d attended their first weekend.

When they moved to the Philippines, where they lived for four years, they continued leading and presenting at Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekends there. ‘We’d only been in the Philippines three or four days,’ says Graeme, ‘when there was a knock at the door, and a lovely Filipino couple introduced themselves to us and asked us to present at an upcoming weekend!’

Over time, with a lot of experience in writing and workshopping talks for Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekends, Graeme and Lynne became known as ‘the workshopping couple’. They were the ‘go to’ couple for years, helping many couples workshop their talks in the Philippines and, subsequently, in Australia.

Graeme says the essence of the Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement is to strengthen marriages and Holy Orders. He says, ‘It deals essentially with the relationship between husband and wife, and with the relationship between priests and their congregation. In that sense its purpose is bi-polar.

‘It seeks to build foundational relationships, from which further relationships can spring. The relationship that a married couple has, and that of a priest with his congregation or his priest brothers, is the linchpin of how we live, how we express ourselves to our world, how we’re seen as people, and how people can see the Church through us.’ He says it is essentially also about teaching. ‘By the invitation to adopt this way of life, you are given the tools to do so, and to prolong it, and live it.’

These tools of conversation, or dialogue, form the foundation of World Marriage Encounter weekends. Over the weekend, a series of talks are given by a team of couples and a priest, with participating couples having the opportunity to reflect, write and then share with each other the impact of those topics and reflections, but at a deep-feelings level. It requires listening, trust and dialogue. It can also involve forgiveness at times.

What I’m giving Lynne is the gift of my feelings, and they really represent me at that moment. I’m giving that to her, and she’s giving me hers. And it’s a humbling, deep experience ... It’s like seeing two clouds in the sky and they come together and merge as one.

‘It’s a difficult proposition for people to grasp who’ve not really been exposed to feelings or to conversation, because so much of our so-called conversation is about things or issues,’ says Graeme. ‘But it’s not about that. Dialogue is intended to be a safe place where you can fully share self with self, without blame, without a second thought, and in complete trust of knowing that you’ll be accepted by the other.

‘What I’m giving Lynne is the gift of my feelings, and they really represent me at that moment. I’m giving that to her, and she’s giving me hers. And it’s a humbling, deep experience.

‘In the dialogue we try to get the other to experience the feeling that I’m feeling at that particular moment. It’s as hard as all get out. It needs a lot of skill, a lot of nurturing, a lot of practice to try and achieve that end. But my word, when you get it, and it’s happened in our lives—not that often—but the best way to describe that is, it’s like seeing two clouds in the sky and they come together and merge as one.

While Graeme and Lynne stopped presenting at weekends in 2012, they’re still active members in the community. Couples who have completed a weekend are invited to join the community, so they can continue being equipped with the tools to strengthen and nourish their relationship. ‘We’re in our 80s now,’ says Lynne, ‘but we’re still involved in the community. We have around 12 or 13 couples in our Sunbury community, with people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s, and we’re all friends.’ The community meets once a month, giving Graeme and Lynne the opportunity to continue providing ‘little presentations’.

‘Marriage Encounter is a small movement,’ says Graeme, ‘but if we can touch the occasional couple, the occasional priest, then that’s a good thing. One person can change the world.’

Love is a two-way thing. It’s not just her love for me or my love for her. It’s that mutual love and respect. That’s at the human level. The other part of that is the unfailing presence of God.

Lynne and Graeme are in no doubt that their first weekend and subsequent 47 years with the Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement changed their life for the better—that and their faith in God, who is pivotal in their relationship and in their sacrament of Marriage.

‘When you really think about marriage and understand it is one of the seven sacraments, it’s an amazing revelation,’ says Lynne. ‘I don’t think a lot of people see it that way, but it’s actually dynamite—the strength of two people who love each other, or who try to love each other as best they can.’

It is this love that both Graeme and Lynne are grateful for in their life. ‘You can be grateful to love and for companionship,’ says Graeme. ‘But what I am most grateful for in this life is Lynne and the love that we share. But love is a two-way thing. It’s not just her love for me or my love for her. It’s that mutual love and respect. That’s at the human level. The other part of that is the unfailing presence of God.’