‘Beyond the Vows’ makes marriage the focus

On Saturday 2 April, more than 35 married couples gathered at St Catherine of Siena Parish in Caroline Springs, in Melbourne’s west, for a day of encouragement, prayer and open conversation about the joys and challenges of married life.

The special event, Beyond the Vows, was created by couples, for couples, with the aim of offering a welcoming space to come together in solidarity, no matter the couple’s stage of marriage.

The three couples who organised the day were inspired by the support they had found through sharing their own journeys with one another and felt called to create an event where other couples could feel equally supported and understood.

‘We didn’t want people to feel like they had to be perfect to come along,’ says Justine Hughes, who was one of the organisers, with her husband Leighton. ‘And we certainly didn’t want them to think their marriage had to be in crisis. Sometimes, you just need a bit of encouragement along the way.’

The result was an event filled with meaningful conversations, deep reflection and practical tools to navigate the everyday ups and downs of married life.

Fr Richard Rosse, Parish Priest at St Catherine of Siena in Caroline Springs, jumped at the chance to host the event, saying it was ‘something I had really hoped would happen in the parish’. The St Catherine’s community includes over 16,000 Catholics and more young families than most other parishes in Melbourne.

‘There are so many struggles in the world, so much pressure, so many demands and conflicting priorities, and families need space to reflect on what matters,’ Fr Richard says. ‘This retreat gives couples that opportunity: to come together, reflect and meditate on their vows and on their journey beyond them. I saw it as a real blessing from God.’

The day began with an inspiring session led by Matt and Julie McDonald, who focused on the importance of intentionality in marriage. Their message pointed out that often marriages don’t fall apart due to ill will but instead fade when partners stop investing in each other. This powerful insight set the tone for the day, inviting couples to consider how they can reignite their commitment and grow together.

Fr Thomas McFadden OFM Cap followed with a talk on the sacred significance of marriage vows and God’s vision for the sacrament. Couples were then invited to renew their vows in a moving moment of connection and reflection.

After lunch, the focus shifted to practical strategies for strengthening marriage. Greg and Sue Murray led a session on the ‘five love languages’, encouraging couples to rediscover their unique ways of expressing and receiving love. This was followed by a presentation on relationship tools based on research from the Gottman Institute, offering participants practical insights for nurturing a healthy, lasting partnership.

‘There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship or marriage,’ says Greg. ‘We wanted to communicate that good marriages happen by choice, and it’s usually the small things: how you treat each other when no one else is around; those little moments of connection, intimacy and nurture.’

Sue agrees. ‘Through our own story, we hope to show that you can make it. We’re very different people, but we’re intentional in our marriage, and that has made all the difference,’ she says.

The afternoon concluded with a Q&A panel, providing a safe space for couples to ask anonymous questions and receive guidance on various relationship challenges. The event ended with eucharistic adoration, giving couples time to reflect and recharge spiritually, supported by prayer teams and the sacrament of Confession.

The impact of Beyond the Vows was deeply felt. Throughout the day, couples opened up about their experiences and found strength in the shared stories and common themes.

Leo and Wendy, who travelled from Heidelberg for the event, were particularly moved by the openness of the presenters and attendees, and the honesty with which the realities of married life were discussed.

‘Hearing them talk so openly about the struggles they’ve faced in their marriage really touched us,’ says Wendy. ‘It was a powerful reminder that perseverance matters, and that by working through issues and staying committed, couples can grow stronger. Just hearing others open up made us realise that the moment you speak about your own experiences, others go, “Yeah, me too.” It creates that sense of solidarity. You don’t feel so alone.’

Another common sentiment among attendees was how inspiring it was to meet other couples who shared the same Christian vision of marriage.

‘We’re constantly surrounded by negative messages in the media, shows like Married at First Sight, where relationships feel disposable,’ says Leo. ‘This event felt like the opposite of that. It’s real, it’s grounded, and it reminds you of what marriage really is. It’s about finding solidarity in shared experiences and knowing you’re not alone. That’s a beautiful thing.’

For many, Beyond the Vows was the first marriage-focused event they’d attended since their pre-marriage preparation. James and Emma, who travelled from the northern suburbs, were grateful for the chance to focus on their relationship without the usual distractions. They found the practical insights especially valuable.

‘Even though it wasn’t a full day, we’ve never had any time just focused on giving us tools for a healthy marriage,’ said Emma. ‘I also find it easier to learn from others, so I was really interested in hearing from couples who’ve been married for 20-plus years. We’re still babies in marriage, so it was great to listen and learn.’

One of the key takeaways for James came from Greg and Sue’s session on being aware of a partner’s ‘bids’ for connection.

‘One of the panelists talked about how, throughout the day, your spouse makes little bids for your attention. Like, while you’re doing the dishes, they might try to connect with you in a small way. And the key is not to turn away from those bids because those small moments add up,’ he explained.

‘They said that consistently turning away from those bids is a huge predictor of divorce five or ten years down the line. But in thriving marriages, the partners respond to those bids. That really stuck with me.’

As the day came to a close, it was clear to all involved that Beyond the Vows had been an answer to prayer for many couples in Melbourne.

‘We sat outside for an hour after everyone went home thinking, wow … that just far exceeded our expectations,’ Justine say. ‘Not just on a personal level, but from what we were hearing and seeing, couples thanking us with tears in their eyes, saying, “I needed this. When are you doing it again?”’

While the day was originally planned as a one-off event, the organisers now hope that attendees feel inspired to take what they’ve seen and learnt and bring similar initiatives to their own communities, building a wider network of support for married couples across Melbourne.

‘One of our friends said, “Every married couple needs this.” That really stuck with us,’ says Leighton. ‘We want no couple to ever feel like they have to do marriage alone. Whether they’re in crisis or just needing community, there should be a place they can go.

‘We hope what we started inspires others to do something similar.’